The art of the written word by Alexander Kidrobot

Professor Kopy Thatwat's bald and sweating dome
Glints from the humid lecturn
Like a chrome beacon
Or a camera obscura in a full summer sun
As he blandly dictates his lecture notes
And frets about picking his wife up from shopping
And the grand children being unexpectedly dumped on them
Last Saturday
He drones on

"Dr Nerd applied programming logic to the human issue
And wrote his parametrics of biologic
On post-it stickers which
For extra surety
He held to his fridge with neodymium magnets
Recliamed from ancient disk drives
You know the old things they had that looked
Like roman bricks "

He chuckles
Then coughs as no one else in our class ever found history a subject
of mirth
We all feel his embarrassment
Someone should laugh just to make it allright
But i certainly wont

" Category 1
A remedy
Consistent with a stricture
Within a program that addresses a problem
And affecting the mechanism
Can only be deemed effective if it cures an error
Without recourse to creating further issues

Section 1
Describes how to implement particular aspects of these components
Within the relationships
Its parlance is effectively a recursion
With time as a substance applied as a function"

I think the database correction
And its application is relayed back to me
I decide to give it actual verbal instruction
Something not frequently done these days
"Idiom "
And it rather inexplicably spews out

"leave both well and ill alone"

"Who did that"
The professor asks curtly

I raise my hand
He looks angrily around
"Well .. carry on the rest of you
Its not a game "

And he clambers round the somewhat arcane lecture room
(300 years old with scant allowance
for modernity and dark pokey windows)
He whispers in my ear
"have you been hacking into my data network boy"
"no i havent " and he can feel the candour of my terror
I dont want computer alteration like Thomas Smith had
He was so squeaky nice afterwards that no one talked to him
And he had a breakdown and had to go home forever

Under the tutelage of the crippled devil
Obsessed with lists
with data objects which dictate what each chapter should
Then contain or allude to
And using them as a means of generating a novel
He constructed the system
As a "machine for inspired tales"
But then to check the metrics
Someone skilled in Actual English Language (AEL)
Has to mentally parse what it might mean
This takes ages as it has to go
Outside the college to a bureau
Of elite readers

Checks are

a) measure the beat of words words words

b) diagonal sententional strength :-
this measures the contextual consistency
of one sentence against its post or precedent

c) checkerboard constructional strategy for paragraphing
attempts to randomly check charactarisational correctness
(it should be noted that War and Peace fails
a subsection as Peter's name is
forever changing in Tolstoys massive work)

d) facade classing
checking the relational constency of thematic material
if more than one theme is run or detected

there are many more
but ultimately its all about money
to generate a best selling work
merely from a series of loose algorithms
has certainly proven easier
for technical features where facts can be trawled for
like fish in a coral sea
but for novels the frames are much more difficult to pin down
and it is a race by technocrats
assisted by a network of artists
to grasp a guilded prize

of course
you could just write your own novel i suppose
on post-it stickers i would guess
but thats too technical for the average kid like me